Sneaky Snake
by 4ever-A-Nightmare
Summary: What if Barbara hadn't come so fast in the snake scene? What do you think would have happened? This story is what I think would have happened. Includes the pairing of Beej and Lyds, general Beetlejuice language, and a very annoyed Lydia. SOON TO BE EDITED, THANK YOU ALL THAT ARE FOLLOWING AND FAVORITED THIS!
1. Prologue

Betelgeuse - in snake form - stared at the Goth girl. He grinned, a very snaky, toothy, grin that made him look very scary. Lunging, he pushed the girl away from the wall with his tail, and pulled her into a death grip. His snake body curled tightly around her. She struggled, but he only squeezed tighter making her stop. Realizing that, perhaps, there was no easy way out of this, she gave the snake her best death glare. Her mouth set in a hard line, which only widened the snake's grin.

Betelgeuse liked his girl's feisty.

"What'sss your name, babe, won't you tell?" He spoke, in what he thought to be a charming voice, but in snake form it came out as sleazy.

The girl's glare darkened, and if possible, she might have crossed her arms in anger. However, she was only able to stubbornly glare. When there was silence between the two that did not reach an end, she thought it better to answer.

"Lydia, why do you ask?" The Goth girl calmly said, her eyes meeting his.

HE loved this; Betelgeuse had found his reason to not drop her (or his original plans to bite, lick, and throw). Fear in the eyes, yet standing tall to the bad guy. This girl was already entertaining him.

"Jussst curiousss… nothing, but that, and 'Sssidesss, it would be harder to talk to you if I couldn't name you, Lydsss." He pulled her closer, tightening his coils around her body causing a small gasp to come to her as it began harder to breath. What can he say, he made girls breathless.

He watched her squirm, mentally noting this as his best haunting shindig, Hell; it topped the one with the girl in the shower. Betelgeuse hadn't been able to touch her, well he had, but what happened after that sorda ruined it…

"How old are you?" He questioned. Might as well ask, there was a legal age for intercourse, and if she was under it then he just got screwed.

She didn't answer him, staring off into space. Ignoring his existence, he loosened his grip, realizing the reason she might be doing that is she couldn't breathe. Betelgeuse repeated the question. This time she answered, except not the way he wanted.

"A teenager," She simplified.

He didn't like that; the fear had disappeared from her eyes and had been replaced with her own stubborn arrogance. Fear was great to work with; his own battle of arrogance was not.

"Your age, babes, 'm not interested in what you are." He prompted

She avoided his eyes before answering. "Sixteen."

His grin became tight. No – wait, just fucking great, she was underage. That and she was totally no longer his type. However, she was old enough to mess with, not fuck, but mess with.

"BetelgeuseBetelgeuseBetelgeuse." Betelgeuse swore under his breath. Sure, the chick in front of him wasn't old enough to really mess with (at least in this day and age), but it didn't mean he wanted put _back_.

Instinctively, his grip tightened around the girl, Lydia, and he soon felt the cardboard ground of the model reappear under his feet. That would have made him angry, but the best part is Lolita was still with him. Sure, the girl couldn't be counted on to give him some real entertainment, but she could be used as leverage. Now, with the adaptions of the changing through shape and size, she was still in his grip, except for he was in normal from, so it was more like a bear hug. Being the shrunk didn't hurt him, but by the fact that the Gothic Lolita was unconscious or dead, it didn't feel like heaven to the living.

First order of business, work out what sort of leverage this girl could be used for.

Second order of business; see if she's still alive.

Third order of business, dump her if she's dead, make sure she's still unconscious if she's alive.

Fourth order of business, Hell, he hadn't planned that far.

_Then again, this girl is only illegal in the mortal world. In the dead world, she's legal to all men, due to the number of teens dying._

He laughed manically, not trying to sound evil, but succeeding too anyway. Forget negotiating, he could trick the girl into letting him out, and splitting with her.

_Wait till Babs and her husband see this, they're going to freeeeeeeak! _


	2. That's What I Thought

**So hi, I wasn't expecting any reviews with my crappy summary and short prologue but this better get some reviews peeps. Starts with Lydia's point of view and it will only be their points of view mostly Betelgeuse's but theres some Lydia. This chap is one of them. **

**P.S spelling and grammar are back for everything not in bold. **

Lydia dusted herself off and twisted out of that weird snake ghost's grip. That was now not a snake, but a crazy, filthy, blond haired ghost, with jade green eyes sunken into his head. It was wearing a black and white striped suit. This thing was staying an "it" in Lydia's mind until she determined what the heck it was. It was male, but it was too weird to call a "he". Then she realized something. She wasn't in the hallway of her house; she was in that model Adam built. Oh God, how, what, him, that ghost did this. It must have been sent here when Barbara said its name, but how did she get sent with it. She turned to glare at the ghost or whatever the heck it was and it grinned at her and she noticed its eyes were surveying her body. That's it; she's taking the next chance she has to get out of here.

She took two steps away from that disgusting ghost so that there were at least 9 steps between them, but she could still feel its eyes on her and she was creeped out. She heard loud footsteps and the voices of Barbara and Adam; finally, she couldn't wait to get away from this pervert.

…

Betelgeuse sat with a smug grin on his features. Sure that girl had just moved away from him and now had her arms crossed and a look of annoyance on her features. Yeah, she really enjoys this. He quietly moved over to her and just as he was about to put an arm around her waist she side stepped him causing him to stumble and he scowled at the smirk on her face. He straightened himself and glared at her openly. He could hear the voices of those pathetic ghosts, but he ignored them.

"So Babes, like the snake trick?" He asked edging closer to her, so there was only one step in-between him and her.

She didn't notice and her response to the question was to roll her eyes divert he attention to anywhere, but him. That could be changed easily.

He quickly moved so his arm was around her waist and tightened his hold so she couldn't move away. She tired, but didn't succeed.

"No, you could have killed my father." She whispered looking at her feet.

He examined her expression that stayed at neutral. Well, he didn't really care about ole chuck, but it seems his daughter care about him being alive, he wondered if that ridiculous woman was this girl's mother, surely not, they bore no resemblance.

"Well I could have, but I didn't, I was just doing my job." He said plainly.

She looked at him confused.

"What kind of job involves turning into a snake and frightening the living?" She asked.

He grinned at her.

"My job, I'm the best bio-exorcist around, I scare the living out of houses to help out ghosts that can't scare a fly." He said smirking.

She looked at him confused once more.

"Barbara and Adam wouldn't hire someone like you to get my parents out of the house." She stated.

His grin widened.

"That's what you think, they called my name and begged me for my help Babes, and I helped them, but obviously they chickened out because she put me back in here." He said looking at her brown eyes that now were looking into his.

_Sucker, wonder how much more I can say that can make her doubt those ghosts, she seems to think of them as friends, she seems to trust them more than her parents and she could understand that handbook. This girl is perfect; she living yet understands the dead, perfect on all terms. _

He watched her reaction that turn even more confused.

"How exactly did you get here in the first place, and how did they put you back?" She asked.

His grin wavered.

_Should I tell her, she could find out how to get out of the model, like that Barbara ghost did by saying home three times?_

"I was called here and they put me back by saying my name three times." He stated hoping she wouldn't ask more.

"So your name is…Beetlejuice or something like that." She said, stumbling over the unfamiliar name.

His grin turned devious, he could get this girl to say his name three times and help him get out.

"Exactly Babes, that's my name, I was named after the star." He purred hoping to get her to say his name again.

She considered that for a moment.

"So your name must have to be said three times to get you out and if I say it two more times you would be out to cause more havoc and chaos." She growled menacingly.

His grin disappeared.

_Damn she's smart._

"Yeah, don't you want out, I could get you out of here?" He said taunting her with the idea.

She glared at him and shifted uncomfortable in his grip.

"There must be a way out without letting you out, whoever made it this way for you must have devised a way for someone not to be trapped with you." She said with confidence.

He scowled, stupid kid.

_This girl isn't as perfect as I thought, she's too smart, but that can be adapted to, just become more cunning then her._

"But you don't know how to get out without me yet, now do you?" He said smirking.

She frowned and grumbled and turned her gaze away from him and shifted uncomfortable in his grip.

"That's what I thought." He said smirking even more.

**End of chapter.**


	3. Don't Leave Lydia Alone With Him

**So hi, glad you guys really have the guts to NOT review, but I'll keep on postin no matter what. **

"Get your hands off of her." A voice from above growled.

Betelgeuse looked up at the angry expressions of Barbara and Adam. The one who had spoken had been Adam.

"Or what...you can't do anything about it." He snarled.

Barbara and Adam looked at each other. Adam then tried to reach down and pull Betelgeuse away from Lydia. No such luck. Betelgeuse just grinned. He loved this situation. Those losers are going to realize that there is nothing they can do...less they let him out...or tell Lydia how to get out. He predicted that as thier next move.

"Lydia say home three times fast." Barbara said fast.

"Homehomeho-" Lydia was cut off by Betelgeuse's hand.

_So stupid, don't these ghosts have any sense, then again if they did they wouldn't have called me._

"Nice try, but that's too simple. How 'bout a trade, my freedom and I'll finish scaring these people out of your house and give you back this girl er...Lydia." He bargined with a grin.

His bargin was shot down immediately.

"Were not letting you out." Barbara growled.

"Then your not getting Lydia back and enjoy her parents, their going to be hysterics if thier daughter remains missing." He snarled, baring his crooked teeth a bit to get the point across.

Barbara and Adam glared at him again.

"You can't keep her with you, she's not a pet, she's a _living_ human being. With your care, she'll die within a day." Barbara pointed out.

Betelgeuse laughed.

"I'm dead, if she dies I don't frickin'care, and she'll be more like prisoner...less you let me out." He said in a persuasive tone.

He grinned when he saw their horrified reactions.

"Please let her go, she isn't a part of this." Adam begged.

He grinned more.

"She is now." He said.

Barbara and Adam looked at each other again.

"We can't leave her alone with that pervert." Barbara said.

_Hello down here, I can still hear you. _

"We can't let him out, Juno's already mad." Adam stated.

_Juno, oh please I am actually begging you don't bring her into this. I don't want to be sent down to Sandworm hell or exorcised._

"You don't suppose we could get a quick appointment with her, so not much time will pass." Barbara reasoned.

"She only allows quick appointments if it's an emergency." Adam argued.

"I think Betel- taking Lydia captive is a emergency. I'm pretty sure dead poltergiest are not supposed to hold living hostage."

_They are if there me._

"We can try, but if we don't get an appointment we go right back." Adam stated.

Barbara and Adam turned to the model again.

"Keep your hands off of her and stay away from her or I'll...sick a sandworm on you..." Barbara stammered.

Betelgeuse flinched at "sandworm", but he could see in that ghost, Barbara's eyes, it was an empty threat. As soon as he saw that those ghosts had left he turned to face Lydia that he had openly forgotten to hold onto and had let his grip slacken.

_Shit, where is she._

"Babes, come out come out from wherever you are."He growled.

_Stupid girl is hiding from me, not for long..._

He paused in his footstep forward. He could hear his won footsteps which probably means he could hear hers too.

_Thud, thud, thud, scuff._

He grinned a feral grin. She wasn't far. He moved in the direction he thought he heard the footsteps coming from, this was going to be easy.

...

Lydia turned a corner through the row of houses. She spotted a barn with a door that could open and close. The perfect place to hide in when there is a perverted poltegiest nearby. She was about to relax a bit when she felt a cool breeze on her neck. She whirled around to face none other then Betelgeuse. She stifled a scream in her throat.

"You hidin' from me Babes?" He said in a tone that made chills run down her back.

"How did you sneak up on me like that?" She asked backing up and then realizing she had nowhere to back up to.

He grinned.

"I'm the ghost with the most, Babe. Hince the ghost part." He said while wrapping an arm around her.

She tried to move away, but his grip had tightened and dropped to her waist and she dear god prayed that he wouldn't move it any lower.

"I should put a leash on you, that way ole Babs would be right. You would be pet instead of prisoner." He stated eyeing her with another on of his perverted grins.

"NO WAY! I don't want to be YOUR pet or YOUR prisoner, I don't want to be anyone's, and I'm not wearing a collar." She sternly said.

He leaned close to her and kissed her on the cheek and as soon as he leaned away she wiped at her cheek with disgust.

"We'll see about that, besides you won't be Your's pet or Anyone's pet, you'll be my pet." He said in a tone that, made her want to slap him and run, but she doubted that happening.

So she just huffed in anger. He eventually moved his arm off of her and she was about to walk off when something pulled her back, literally. She looked at her ankle. There on her ankle was an almost invisible rope, like a leash on her. She turned around to glare at the owner of the rope who was now grinning at her.

"Jerk." She mumbled under her breath.

He just grinned more.

"I didn't get you a collar, even though that would have been funnier..." He stated.


	4. You Can't Kill the Dead

**Thank-you. Sorry for wait...**

He watched her roll her eyes and walk off- wait try to walk off. This was going to be fun and the convient thing is he didn't need to hold the rope he just used his powers to hold it. She huffed annoyed and he smiled. She wasn't going to get anywhere acting like that...or an invisible rope on her ankle.

Betelgeuse was enjoying himself without being free, remarakble really. If someone had told him that he could enjoy himself NOT being free he would have juiced them to Sandworm hell. Now if they added the bonus of a sixteen year old goth chick, that can see the dead and understands them that was stuck with him. He might have only slammed the door in thier face. Not because he didn't believe he could have fun, but so he could have _fun_ with the girl and they would leave.

Glancing up at the girl that was stuck with him, his smile widened. She was sitting on the ground, prying at the rope around her ankle. She was having no such luck as the rope seemed to be on her leg with out a knot tied, like it was made around her ankle; which it was of course. Speaking about fun, a little bit of fun wouldn't hurt anyone right now, Babs and her husband are gone so they won't mind, will they now? As for the keep your hands off of her, they won't be attached to her, and if he wasn't allowed to rest them on her then he had broken that rule.

He slowly advanced on the poor girl, who still had her back to him prying at the rope not noticing the poltergiest with very bad intentions behind her, almost there... He licked his lips in anticipation, like when he found a really good beetle and...

_WHAM._

A invisible force had pushed him back.

_What the hell! _

He glanced at Lydia who still hadn't noticed the poltergeist and then upwards to see if Babs and her husband were back. They were, and with Juno...

_Huh, guess me kidnapping, pft if you can even call it that, a living breathing girl is quick and easy service. She's a teenager actually and she's in her own home, just somewhere else in it, a better word would be hostage. Oo, Juno does not look happy, this is not good not at all. At least no one figured out a way to send me back to the Neitherworld for good when they say my name, then I would be majorly worried._

He righted himself and glared up at Juno.

"Whut do you want now?" He said.

Juno took a drag from her cigarette and glared back at Beetlejuice.

"You know perfectly well that this is going to get you exorcised." She growled.

He snorted at her.

"They can't exorcise me if they can't drag me back to the Neitherworld can they now Juney." He said smirking.

She sighed annoyed.

"When the time comes when you get back...you better hope that they go easy on you, because you just made a choice in your afterlife that your going to regret." She said menacingly.

He laughed openly.

"Regret, since when have I," He gestured to himself his expression amused, "ever done anything and regretted it. Juney your losing your ouch if you think I'll, regret doing this." He said with a smirk.

Juno shot him a glare with strong disliking, yet pity. Stupid Juno always had a soft spot for him somewhere and he knew it. They had worked together before and she knew him. According to her, he was a better person long ago, and now only a shadow of his old self exists, but it's there. According to him he's always been arrogant and...all the traits he is now. Juno turned to the Maitland's'.

"There's nothing more I can do, less he decides to come back to the waiting room himself." She stated.

_I wouldn't bet on that ._

Barbara looked at Juno outraged.

"What do you mean there's nothing you can do to stop him, he's kidnapped Lydia a living breathing girl?" Barbara said in hysterics.

Adam put a hand on his wife's shoulder and pushed her back gently.

"Calm down honey." He said to Barbara before turning to Juno. "Is there anything you can recommend, and are you sure that you can't put him so that he's not here bugging us?" Adam asked.

Juno smiled sadly.

"There might be some higher-ups that can help." She said reassuringly before dissapearing into a cloud of smoke.

Barbara and Adam looked at where Juno dissapeared before turning to the notorious Betelguese. He didn't shy away from thier glares, he merely looked at them with an expression of 'I don't care.' He noticed Lydia out of the corner of his eyes standing up and walking over to where he stood, not to stand beside him, but a little bit away from him. Too far for his liking.

He gave a sharp yank on the rope and watched with a smile as the rope pulled her off of her feet and dragged her so that she was at his feet. He pulled her up so that she was standing and wrapped an arm around her. She took a deep breath and let it out angrly.

He looked up to the now horrified expressions of Barbara and Adam.

"Y...you...you put a leash on her?" Barbara asked horrified.

He smirked.

"Glad you noticed, I took your advice so she's pet, not prisoner." He said.

Adam glared daggers at Betelguese, but Barbara was the one to speak.

"Your sick." She said.

"I beleve the word is dead and 'sides pets are funner then prisoners. Prisoners only scream and yell insults at you. You can cuddle with your pets, have fun with your pet, _play _with your pet." He said with a perverted grin.

Lydia gagged and promptly tried to struggle out of his grip but he only pulled her closer and wrapped both of his arms around her. Barbara looked disgusted at him and extremely mad and Adam was enraged. No more than that. HE was FURIOUS.

"Why I oughtta-"

"Kill me, you can't sorry, I'm already dead." He said laughing like a maniac.

**Don't worry this will stay T.**

**End Chapter.**


	5. Thinking

**Hi, so lets begin.**

Adam and Barbara glared down at Betelgeuse with even more hatred then before. There was nothing he they could do and they knew it deep down. Lydia could do something about it if she thought she suceed in it. Betelgeuse at the moment had his own private victory. No one was capable of stopping him. That was a new concept for him. Usually laws, powers, and others set him back. Not this time. He was actually suceeding in something.

_Juney, your losing and I'm winning. Never thought I could ever be able to think that before._

He now had a few matters at hand before he could get down to what he wanted to do with Lydia... Sadly she would have to wait. Even though he was winnning he wasn't going to let his guard down. The higher-ups were something to worry about.

The first thing he needed to do was find a food source for his pet. She wasn't going to survive off beetles unlike him. She needed actual breather food.

The second thing to do was to get a hold of Babs and her husbands handbook. They would be even more clueless without it, but he doubted they had it with them. Oh yeah that fat guy took it. Guess thats one problem down.

The third thing he had to worry about was his pet, Lydia. She was the one capable of actually doing harm against him in this situation. Even though she's currently in the worst position, according to Babs, she holds the power to free him. Freeing him would be good, but if higher-ups got involved he would be happy in this model, thank-you very much. Higher-ups could drag him, if he got out, down to the frickin' waiting room and take away his juice. another thing to be worried about, his juice being tookedn away lost him his job and his way out. His pet was also capable of only freeing herself which would lose his bargining chip and entertainment. If she got out without him, he would be right back to where he started and this time the Maitlands wouldn't be so dumb.

_What to do, I frickin hate when I have to think like this. Its too much work. If I could get it so that brat, Lydia wasn't able to have any power pver me this would be a lot easier._

That's when an idea came to his, sick perverted, mind.

_She hates me at the moment, but if she were to grow to like me, she wouldn't be so keen on getting rid of me._

There was only one problem with that though. No one liked him, and it was going to be hard to convince that girl to.


	6. Women

**Most of this was written on my DS on google then transferred onto the computer. That is how you avoid groundation from computer.**

Betelgeuse waited an hour maybe two for Barbara and Adam to stop staring down at him and go to bed. He was relieved when they finally gave in and went to bed.

'It's about time.' He thought to himself.

Giving another glance in the general direction of Barbara and Adam, he quickly noted they weren't paying attention. He snuck over to the sleeping girl who had foolishly fallen asleep. He usually would pull a prank on a sleeping person, disturbing their slumber, but the Ghost With the Most was not going to. Even though he had a really good idea for one, plus he needed this girl to like him. Waking her up after she's fallen asleep might make her angry. Gawd, he hated trying to make someone like him. It was too much work and not any fun at all.

He walked past Lydia, who was curled up on a porch of a house, and headed back toward his grave. Sleeping in his coffin was probably more comfortable than sleeping on the cardboard ground, or whatever the hell it the model was made of.

(7 hours later)

Well that was a nice sleep. He slept as good as the dead do. Then again, he is dead. Betelgeuse laughed. Now he was in search of his 'pet.'

He walked back to where she was yesterday and was immediately alarmed to find she wasn't there. He almost freaked out then and there when he remembered something.

'I have her on a leash, if I can't find her then...' He thought to himself.

Giving the rope a strong yank, he was relieved when he heard a yelp of surprise and then smiled down at his 'pet' that had been dragged, by the rope, to his feet.

"I was wondering where you were Babes." Betelgeuse said.

Lydia scowled at him.

"I was trying to get away from you." She retorted.

He smirked.

"Why didn't you say home three times?" He questioned.

His smile grew when she frowned and then scowled.

"I'm so stupid to forget that." She muttered to herself.

He watched Lydia pull herself to her feet and glare at him.

"So, what do you want now?" She asked.

He smirked. He wanted a lot of things at the moment a few involving her. He could tell 17 out of 23 she wouldn't like to hear.

"I wanted to know where you were." He answered. It was a white lie, she didn't know though.

"There's more to it then that." She said.

"No there isn't."

"There is to."

"Is not, now shut up."

He said turning away from her. Women are so annoying sometimes, it's hard to like them.

"No."

Especially with their attitude.


	7. A Deal

**Ug, my last chapter was a total bust.(Not chap[ter 6, but the last version of chapter 7) It sucked badly, so here's a different idea then the last one. (They have nothing in common and try to erase the memor of the last one.) IT'S more Betelgeuse then the (Out Of Character) then the last one. So here it is…inspired by a few of my friends B and J, Billy and Josh. What'd ya think, I actually own the 'ghost with the most.' Tim Burton and all relating own him, I own nothing I tell you nothing.**

"What did you say girlie?" He growled.

She seemed visibly shaken by the fact he responded to what she said.

"What I said was no. I'm not going to bow down and obey your every command. I'm not your pet, and I'm not your 'Babes,' idiot." Lydia said with her own firmness.

He had to admit. It was admirable that she had some courage to stand up to him, but not what he wanted. He walked over to her and stood right damn smack in front of her and leered down at her.

"You're what I want you to be for now Babes." He said pointedly.

She glared at him.

"You're an insufferable, malicious, lecher." She yelled at him.

Beetlejuice let out a low growl in the back of his throat, now she really irked him off.

"That's it brat, I'm going to make you regret what you said." He vowed.

He stopped himself short of 'juicing' the girl to sandworm hell. 'Lecher.' Hell if she accused him of he might as well be one.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him and began kissing her savagely. His arms wrapped around her waist as he did so. Lydia came to her senses and started to struggle against him, kicking and trying to pull away, but he wasn't going to let go so easily. He turned to kissing her neck instead, likewise sliding his hands under her shirt. However, before he even got to the red zone, yelling brought him back to the situation and not his sense, but his position.

"REMOVE YOUR HANDS FROM LYDIA, BETELGEUSE." Adam shouted at the top of his (dead) lungs.

Dammit, he was about to have some fun, but hey, if he could get those Maitlands mad enough to say his name three times, why bother...

He slid his hands outside of Lydia's shirt, to her relief,but kept one arm around her waist so she wouldn't go off and leave him. It also kept him looking like a threat to her life...and other things that he was going to ponder over later...

"What if I don't want to?"He asked in a pleasant tone.

He was met with two enfurious glares from the Maitlands. Huff. Over-reacters, are so stupid. His question was one that could not be answered intelligently, more of a rhetorical question than any.

Adam let out a frustrated growl and him and Barbara began dicussing the matter.

"We should just let him out Barbara, he's doing more harm than good down there."

"Adam, honey, there's still got to be another one."

"We haven't found one so why don't we just let him out?"

"And then what would we do, let him go on a rampage?"

Adam's face turned crimson, shame, anger, and confusion, fighting for dominance. Then it all dissapeared, and a light bulb pratically appeared above his head.

Adam turned to Betelgeuse, who had let go Lydia, who to Betelgeuse's suprise only walked a few steps away before sitting down and studying the situation, warily. Everyonce in a while her brown eyes would dart to Betelgeuse then back down, then into space.

"I have a deal for you." Adam stated blandly.

**Hello, if you read this chapter hello.**

**P.S. Beetlejuice 2 rumors are circling like a hawk. The girl that played Lydia said Tim Burton is strongly on the idea and it may or may not be already written. The only problem is...THE CAST; can they reunite the old one or make one similar. **


	8. The Deal Activates Trouble

**(A/N) Eek, the deal was so fun to think up! What wasn't fun is the**  
**headache I have from doing crash cymbals in symphony. Plus for really**  
**odd assignments, I had to MAKE a vocab sheet. Talk about the Advanced**  
**English teacher taking the easy way out.**

**P.S. Ouch headache increasing, you have got to be kidding me.(*)**

Betelgeuse grinned with an inquisitive air.

"The deal is...we'll," Adam gestured to himself and Barbara. "Let you  
out and..."

Betelgeuse growled. "And what?"

"Then you can decide..." Adam paused taking a deep breath. "What to do  
from there-as long as it doesn't do any harm to the Deetzs', us, or  
Lydia and you can't destroy our house or anything in it."

Betelgeuse stopped to think about that before grinning.

"Anything else?" Betelgeuse asked.

"Give us 48 hours to ponder over this, to make sure we didn't leave  
out something important." Adam stated.

"12 hours." Betelgeuse argued.

"36."

"12."

"24."

"14."

"Deal." Adam said.

"And if you don't complete it in time, I'll kill Lydia...or other."  
Betelgeuse said.

"No deal!" Barbara said with a glare.

"The last part wasn't yours to decide, it was just a warning." Betelgeuse said.

Barbara and Adam exchanged glances before leaving.

"Suckers." Betelgeuse muttered. His possibility of killing the girl was zilch, his possibility of other was infinity.

His eyes fell on Lydia, whose eyes had widened at what he said. Her heart's beating had increased as well. It seems Lydia had doubt in her dear ghostly friends, not surprising, she shouldn't trust the pathetic ghosts.

He himself, leaned back in air.

Whatever happened, he wasn't going to get a bad result from it.

(12 Hours Later)

'If she shoots one more fearful glance at me, I'll shake her senseless and put a bag over her head.' Betelgeuse thought idly.

Lydia had been looking at him fearfully for the last-uh 10 hours. Something told him her trust was already on vacation.

"Ya don't need ta fear Babes, aren't your 'precious' Maitlands gonna protect you." He said sarcastically.

She looked up.

"I thought I could." She muttered.

He sighed. He was going to regret this.

"Look Babes, if you don't trust them, say my name yourself and rid yourself of the worry."

She thought about it for a moment.

"I don't know...maybe." She muttered.

"Your going to regret that." Betelgeuse said honestly.

"I doubt it." She replied.

(An 1 and 30 minutes later)

He swore that girl was going to curl up in a fatal position and start sucking her thumb. Her shoulders were hunched and her body was tense. Eyes darting to the attic door above every 3 minutes. She was bound to crack. There wasn't any reason not to let him out. He was pretty sure she didn't want the other option.

"Babes." He said, trying to capture her attention.

She looked up.

"Anytime now." He said.

"No."

(15 minutes later)

Is she bound to crack now?

Yes.

"Fine." She muttered.

"What?" He asked.

"I'll let you out."

He grinned.

"Betelgeuse."

He looked up and went over to her.

"Betelgeuse."

He swung an arm around her waist.

"Betelgeuse."

"It's Showtime."

With a whirl and a brief whir of colors they were out of the model, full sized, and...almost on their feet. Betelgeuse was standing alright. Lydia was about to collapse. Obviously the living can't travel like the dead can, or at least not very well.

She groaned in pain, keeling over slightly. Betelgeuse stared at her. Lydia was still in deep pain, her eyes shut. He shook her, she didn't respond. He shook her again harder, still no response. He used his juice and only sparked her a 'little.'

Her eyes jolted open and she gave a gasp.

"Close your eyes again for more than fifteen seconds I'll spark you again." He muttered.

Her eyes stayed open, yet he could see some strain. He had said what he said for the better. If she died at the moment it would be blamed on HIM. HE would suffer charges in court. HE would be exorcized. HE would be sent to the lost souls room. They should at least exorcize those_ darling_ Maitlands too. They had let him out anyways. Not his fault that his chosen, dumb, gullible, naive, ghosts were so clueless.

His arm was aout to move from around her wasit when she faltered, her legs almost crumpling. He shocked her again, more out of annoyance. Damn breathers were so weak. She instantly pushed out of his grip, and shakely pulled her self up right. Then again, maybe all aren't so weak.

He watched as her eyes studied the attic room, when her eyes locked on the door, he made no move to stop her from going to the door if she dared. There would be no reason to, she would not make it down the stairs in her condition. 'Sides, if she knew what was better, those _darling_ Maitlands can't revive her if her body starts shutting down. He has powers, his 'juice.' They have the newbie powers. His powers can wreck havoc, save lives (huh if he ever felt like doing that n way in hell), and make some things a little more...spicy.

He smirked at the thought of that.

He watched her eyes return to him before all she decided to do was lean against the wall, out of fear of falling supposedly. He then swiveled his eyes to the attic door for other reasons. Speaking of those damn Maitlands, where the hell were they.

As if on cue...

"Honestly Adam, I would have thought that Juno could have done something when he's threatening to kill her I honestly thought so." Barbara rattled off stepping through the brick doorway.

"It's not your fault I thought so too, the only thing we can do now is-" Adam looked up and he, and Barbara, finally noticed the poltergeist staring right at them with a smirk on his face. "How in _hell_ did you you get out?" Adam asked.

"Ask Babes over there, she apparently doesn't trust you, after all, it's 7 minutes past 14 hours." Betelgeuse said.

Adam and Barbara loked somewhat guilty at that accusation.

"Oh..."

"Don't worry no harm done, she let me out now for the other part of the deal...I'll give you 7 Choices that _I make."_

**Next chapter should be out in a hour love, so don't fret. And wotcher to you all. It's just briliant to see you all again. Though the weather's been bloody hell in my town. See you ickle readers in a few. (Implied British accent)**


	9. The 7 Choices

**(A/N) Hey, how's it going? A typical day yesterday, other than my friend Billy deciding after P.E. that her shirt wasn't necessary. She instead just zipped her jacket up. She than began randomly unzipping it in front of boys. She's crazy! (*)**

_The 7 Choices_

_1. Marriage deal: Lydia only, she's the only worthwhile one._

_2. Business Deal: Consists of myself (Betelgeuse) never coming back for 10 years. I will leave with an important piece of property._

_3. Exorcism Deal: I Betelgeuse will exorcise the Maitlands' in an orderly fashion._

_4. House Deal: I Betelgeuse will scare the Deetz out of their house and I will take ownership of their house. _

_(in very tiny print)_

_And I marry Lydia._

_5. Residency Deal: I take residency in the Deetz's house. They let me out when I want to be, but never send me back to the Neitherworld less I ask._

_6. Chancery Deal: I blame you for my crimes and get you exorcised. _

_7. Business (illegal and 'with benefits') Deal: I'll stay away from the Deetz's house for 100 years as long as I leave with the important item. This deal is with benefits and illegal._

_(**** Sincerely Betelgeuse ****)_

He wrote it on a piece of paper and passed it to the Maitlands. They surveyed the note with worry, deep concentration, then anger. Lydia was about to walk over to the Maitlands to look at the deal, but Betelgeuse stopped her.

"No, you don't get to see the deal or decide on the deal." Betelgeuse said.

Lydia glared at him.

"Why."

"'Cause, you're a minor, unless your eighteen." He muttered.

He thought inwardly. 'And because your smart enough to figure out the double meaning in my deals.'

She sighed.

"Fine, have it your way." She mumbled.

He smirked with a touch of malevolence and turned his attention to the were finishing the deciphering of the deals.

"So...we vote decide on one of these." Adam mumbled to himself. "Were going to need to share these with Delia and Charles...uninvitably so."

Adam left the attic, Barbara following suit, leaving Lydia and Betelgeuse alone. That was until a shout came...

"BETELGEUSE."

It was Juno.

"See ya in a few Babes." Betelgeuse said before vanishing.

He reappeared in front of a pissed off Juno.

"I read over your deals."She said.

He looked at his feet, as when a child does when they've been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"I only made a few _minor _changes...and I didn't show the Maitlands the changes. They've already got thier minds set on one and so have Lydia's parents." Juno said with an air of anger, not directed at him surprisingly.

She handed him back the paper he had hurriedly scribbled out the deals on.

_The 7 Choices_

_1. Marriage deal: Lydia only, she's the only worthwhile one. **(Betelgeuse I'll kill you for this one *Juno*)**_

_2. Business Deal: Consists of myself (Betelgeuse) never coming back for 10 years. I will leave with an important piece of property. **(You can only fool those idiots I know you mean the girl)**_

_3. Exorcism Deal: I Betelgeuse will exorcise the Maitlands' in an orderly fashion. **(orderly my ass)**_

_4. House Deal: I Betelgeuse will scare the Deetz out of their house and I will take ownership of their house. _

_(in very tiny print)_

_And I marry Lydia.** (NO)**_

_5. Residency Deal: I take residency in the Deetz's house. They let me out when I want to be, but never send me back to the Neitherworld less I ask. **(NO)**_

_6. Chancery Deal: I blame you (Maitlands) for my crimes and get you exorcised. **(Not going to happen Geuse)**_

_7. Business (illegal and 'with benefits') Deal: I'll stay away from the Deetz's house for 100 years as long as I leave with the important item. This deal is with benefits and illegal._

**_-when she's 18_**

**_-she only has to work for your illegal business where you go back and blackmail other residents in the Nietherworld and scam them out of their money for 10 years_**

**_-5 times only_**

**_-if she dies in your care I promise that you will be condemned in the most torturous place in the Nietherworld, or you'll find your self condemned in Sandworm hell for a millenium_**

_(**** Sincerely Betelgeuse ****)_


	10. Idiot

**Authors Note: Yawn, tiring to type all this up.**

"You suck Juno, take all the fun out of 'with benefits' 5 times, really, I otta kill ya fot that."

Juno smirked at him.

He stalked past her to the Maitland's and Deetz's.

"What'd you decide on, write it down on a piece of paper, so we can do this the ole kiddy way. No peeking, don't want anyone to know the results, but me and then do whatever was voted for without your consent." He said.

They all glared at him.

He glared back. What did they expect for him to tell them that he was going to take off with thier girl in 5 out of 7 of the choices. Hell no, they would figure out what he chose themselves.

They all wrote down thier answers hesitantly on the pieces of paper he passed to them. Delia was staring at her pencil in paper like they might bite her for so for kicks he made it turn into a snake and started snickering as she ran out of the room.

She had already written down her answer though.

He examined the slips of paper and almost laughed.

Delia didn't care shit about Lydia's life with what she had chosen, he would tell his Babes personally what she had written.

Her father wrote something similiar, what parents the chick has.

Of course the Maitlands answers were the best, gawd. They care a lot about that girl obviously. He would so make sure to rub it in there faces.

Now for Juno to settle this tie. This little tie, that didn't exist. The Maitlands had won fair and square, two to one and one.

They don't know that.

"So Juney, there all idiots here's the numbers chosen. One, Seven and Five. Told you their idiots." HE whispered to her.

She looked back at the original paper.

"Damn you're right, thought the Maitlands would be more intelligent."

He smirked.

"It's too easy to trick people. So... any punishments you can inflict on me on the moment before I leave and I'll be out of your office and sight for a while." He muttered.

She shook her head.

"You're more intelligent then I give you credit for...except you left the girl Lydia, alone...and she left. None too suprising, the girls's better off if she doesn't come back to this house. Then you wouldn't be able to take off with her. She wouldn't be property of the house." Juno said taking a drag from her cigarette.

Betelgeuse underwent a copious amount of swearing.

"Damn it. Fricken Bitch!" He muttered before vanishing outside.

* * *

Lydia had snuck out the window using old fashion make a ladder and run. She had gotten down the hill when, amazingly the ole rope still was avalible AFTER she left the model.

She had tripped and scraped her elbows, arms, legs, and most every past of her body that fell on the sharp pointy rocks. She decided to lay there and play dead. It might save her for 5 minutes.

"LYYYYYYYYYYYDIAAAA. Here girl, Baaabes."She heard his ridiculous voice.

Him.

Stupid poltergeist powers.

"Babes, get up, get up."HE said.

She knew he was standing right above her, she wasn't moving. Until she felt a sharp kick to the ribs.

"OW mother- ow. WILL YOU STOP IT." She screeched.

She rolled onto her back to see him smirking. He moved his foot away from her ribs and stopped kicking her.

"Been eavesdropping or just ran away for the heck of it?" HE asked.

"I ran away from you for safety reasons." She replied.

He examined her scratched up form.

"Really, ya looked a whole lot better at the house. I'm pretty sure ya wern't bleeding."

She looked at her scratched up arms.

"Gee, if you hadn't tripped me I might be ok." She muttered.

He just rolled his eyes and hovered in the air his arms crossed.

"If you hadn't run, tripping you wouldn't have been necessary."

"Fuck you."

"Ya offerin'."

"No, gawd no!"

"Ya sure. You want help up." He said offering his hand to pull her up.

She refused and pulled herself up.

He sighed, this was going to be complicated business.

**Bad Chap, I know lovleys. But if you go to my poll and vote on the deals 1 5 or 7. The next chapter will actually be thought out.**


	11. Juno's thoughts

**Uh…You guys mad because I didn't really update? My grades in two classes have gone down to B's. Well been busy and all tests, essays, and crap. How are you all today?**

** I'm mad at my only friend…so…yeah. 2****nd**** period through 8****th**** period is gonna suck. Oh well, maybe I'll just talk to my notebook, then bug the kids that say I'm a good friend then tell me I'm a brat with a perverse mind, and I'll make friends with those jocks that might have already destroyed all of their brain cells! **

**I was lying. The jocks hate me too. Fricken messed up is what they are. Then again am I any different. BTW…I spell fricken the way I do because I mean it as more of a less harmful word then frigging.**

Betelgeuse watched Lydia walk (at a somewhat slow pace) back to her house. He was starting to get fricken annoyed. She was purposely avoiding eye contact with him and her steps toward the house were reluctant. If she walked any slower he might drag her back a hell of a lot faster than her pace. When she stopped for no damn reason his patience was dead (as well as the rest of him).

He grabbed her arm and easily transported back to the house. She faltered and almost fell, but he hadn't let go of her arm so she used that to pull herself back to her feet. To protect her body from any more damage.

* * *

Juno had merely looked up at the arriving poltergeist; none too surprised to the girl's expression was one of unhappiness. The factor was none too surprising though. After all, being dragged (and Juno did mean so literally) around by a greedy perverted poltergeist wouldn't be a highlight on anyone's life. It was the damn Maitland's fault that this happened and why she was going to get behind on paperwork. Things such as Betelgeuse are better left undisturbed. If they hadn't called his name then Lydia and the rest of her family would not know this much about the dead. It was more than they should and could know. If they sentenced every living soul and not living soul in this house to captivity; it would not surprise her.

Her eyes did not pass over the Maitland's, who had not yet noticed the arrival of Lydia or the poltergeist that had towed her there, nor did her gaze fall on Lydia's parents, who had seen the odd sight of Betelgeuse. Her eyes fell to the paper she wrote her decision on and what was to be carried out. The Maitland's had made a deal with Betelgeuse and there was no denying him the fulfillment of the deal. IF you make a deal with him…you keep it… for eternity.

Her eyes went back up to the poltergeist in question that still had a tighter grip on Lydia's arm. Didn't want her running off, which would probably be better for everyone. Betelgeuse shouldn't get the living involved. Then again, that girl could be and exception. Juno didn't quite classify her as _living._ There was something off about Lydia Deetz. Whether it is her dark personality or just something else…Juno did not know. Still none the less Betelgeuse was filling out a 12 foot stack of papers if he dare try dragging that girl around with him like he wanted to.

The sad thing is she knew why he wanted to drag the poor girl around.

Betelgeuse had his bio-exorcism business all and all, but just like the rest of the Neitherworld he needed money. He had his own business of black mailing and conning people that he might of knew or just wanted to pick a bone with and most of the time he would get sent to her office for that. He made his own fair of money and experience from that. It was rather a hobby or enjoyment to him, but undeniably…he worked in utter aloneness.

He wasn't wrong to think that girl and him have something in common. They do… They both are alone and she understands the dead and will most likely understand him better then perhaps most.

Juno sighed, her mind finally reaching what it didn't want to reach.

Betelgeuse, despite his stupid attitude and show…was indeed

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Lonely…

Sadly yes, that's what Juno thought.

That's why she chose what she chose. The poltergeist needed company. It might teach him responsibility, trust, and how not to be a butthole. OR he could end up corrupting the girl. OR he could end up killing the girl. Too many 'or's for her liking. She could just end up watching her ex-assistant get exorcized. She was willing to risk Lydia. Juno was usually never wrong and something told Juno that the girl is more than she looks.

Juno's thoughts circled around what she chose. Part of the deal she hated, for lords sake does the poltergeist always think about 'with benefits.' She also knew the other one could have very well been 'with benefits' and illegal too. but still... HEr eyes glanced to the paper.

_7. Business (illegal and 'with benefits')_

"You'll be the second death of me Geuse." Juno muttered.


	12. The Complicated Chapter

**Ug, has it been that long already… I had Writer's Block on this story and sadly have been stuck without the compatible computer the last few days. Sure I have a mobile electronic gaming device that can view Fanfiction over the internet, but it is too simple and cannot do something as complex as type a document. I also have found that my Teacher Apprentice Course has come to an abrupt end because the teacher is no longer available to do that job. Now I will have to go to FACS as of Wednesday. Kill me now.**

"I've made my decision."

Five sets of eyes swiveled to Juno, one however smirked as if he knew the decision and simply wiped his hands on his suit and grinned. Lydia took that chance to move away from him and _he _allowed her to do so. Barbara put her hand protectively on Lydia's shoulder and briefly shot a glare to the poltergeist that was causing the trouble.

"I know no one will favor what I say no matter what I am to say because no one favors Betelgeuse and every living and nonliving person in this room wishes him harm." Juno paused and Betelgeuse walked over to her and glanced over her shoulder to see her decision causing him to grin more. She continued unbothered. "The choices were undeniably not the most suitable choices, but do to the Maitland's failure to keep secrecy and listen to _well directed demands." _Both Barbara and Adam stared at their feet. "I have no other choice; he did present the idea with multiple options and well-chosen words. The other—"

Betelgeuse was tired of her explanation and cut her off. "She chose the business deal with benefits dumbasses."

"WHAT!"

An eruption of angry shouts came out of most everyone's mouth. Lydia was in the middle of the arguing peoples and wanted no part in the argument. Betelgeuse was getting shouted at (not that he brushed them off completely without a few words shouted back) and Juno was trying to calm the fuss.

"He can't take Lydia anywhere with him!"

"My daughter is not going anywhere with a poltergeist."

"He would kill her, he's heartless!"

Betelgeuse was angered by that comment, he may have a dead un-beating heart, but why would he kill her.

"He's a pervert and will surely take advantage of her."

That's what really made his after-life.

"I am not a good-for-nothing pedophile you damned ghosts, I have standards and if you think I'll take advantage of a sixteen year old girl I then I'll exorcize you and everyone in this house. You son-of-a—"

Betelgeuse was cut off by more shouts and a slap to the face (Barbara had a moment of stupidity).

Lydia had been quietly edging away from the arguing mass of people that loved her, cared for her, and an enraged poltergeist all the while. She had slipped outside and was sitting on the porch. Her feet had been drawn up to her chest and she didn't cry. The drama and harsh way this situation started had killed her emotions. It froze her mind and her thoughts. Nothing really was on her mind, yet everything was on her mind.

She could still here the shouts of ghosts and man alike and she could feel the aura of anger encircling her house. It was mild out, the moon full ahead. Too much time had passed, too fast, too eventful. The universe had come down around her. The daytime was now the unwelcomed nighttime of darkness and shrewdness; the nighttime was now as lovely and as blessed as day. This is the factor that drove some to madness, this is what drives people to the murder of others and this is what drives some to suicide. Lydia Deetz was not driven to anything, as she is not normal, she is not simple, but she is strange and unusual as is her life.

…

Betelgeuse was something to fear when angered enough. He could be a mischievous ghost, a pesky poltergeist, but he could also be as damned dangerous as a demon. He was not one, those creatures were much different. They killed without mercy, they had no limits, when they ruined women and slaughtered men. Demons worked with none, they had no real thoughts, except to kill, attack, and savage. Poltergeists were more of pesky creatures of the dead, who were only looking for fun; but when faced with a fight, you are going to get served dearly.

The amount of furniture destroyed by green fire; a few sculptures here and there.

The amount of places burned but not destroyed; a few dozen areas.

The amount of damage done to the men and women; physical: 0.0000000001 (Barbara and Adam sent to Sandworm Land), emotional: 101,101,101,101,101,101,101,101,101,000 (Juno thinks Delia and Charles will be in a mental hospital or in extreme counseling or convinced this was a very bad dream and their child was simply kidnapped not token by a poltergeist).

Juno placed the Deetz's in a slumber that would convince them this was a dream, fixed their house, made a mental note to find the poltergeist that was in charge of all this, made a mental note to find the girl, and then collapsed onto the Deetz's couch and begin smoking a cigarette. This was the worst thing Betelgeuse has possibly ever done. If he gets sent to Sandworm Land Exile then it wouldn't be a surprise. Too much paperwork to do… Too much damage was done… Too much happened.

…

"Had a bad day Babes?"

Lydia looked beside her to see Betelgeuse smoking a cigarette, sitting beside her.

"Bad day would be an extreme understatement."

Betelgeuse met her eyes.

"Say we get going, take a ride to Vegas, have some fun, or to a bar, or to a bar in Vegas." He suggested.

"I'm underage." She protested.

He stared at her and smirked.

"Do I look like I care?"

"Vegas it is."

**This chapter sucked, oh well. **


End file.
